That moment I tripped over my own feelings...

 

School starts tomorrow. First day of school for my Kindergartener. My firstborn is starting school. This blows my mind in so many ways, but the biggest thing that boggles my mind is how she's starting school. 

This sounds selfish, but I thought this was my year. I would drop the Kindergartener off at school right after I dropped the middle one off at Preschool. Then it would be me and the baby and daily adventures. Cafes around the city, parks in the morning, sweet naps, slow walks to talk about the important things in life. You know, bugs, leaves, puddles, the real stuff. 

Enter coronavirus...

My daughter will be meeting her teacher online tomorrow and some classmates. It took a deep conversation with myself to realize that this may not be what I want for my child, but the look on her face when watching a video from her teacher let me know that I needed to get over myself. I counted virtual school out almost immediately because I didn't know how I would manage this with two other little ones running around like feral animals, especially the 19 month old. I didn't know how I was going to keep up with a schedule that requires students to be Live at different times throughout the day. I didn't know how I was going to balance the home, family, appointments, my business and more. It was a whole lot of I's which wasn't fair to my fabulous 5 year old. 

Maybe she is able to handle the workload and the schedule. Maybe she wants to meet new friends even if it's over a computer screen. Maybe she is sick of Mommy being Mommy/Teacher and would like to separate the two. Maybe she just needs her own thing that doesn't include her younger sisters. So as I tripped all over myself and my feelings, I fell right into the fact that I have an amazing child who is capable of great things and I should never forget that. 

Don't get me wrong, it still makes me so sad that she won't learning 4-square at recess, or eating rectangle pizza that taste amazing for some reason. She won't get to ride on the tire seat on the bus and literally jump out of her seat when it hits a bump. She won't have field day and carnivals this year. She will however become even more independent, responsible and tech savvy. She will make new friends and laugh and share stories with them. She will have a great year and so will I while I watch her blossom and grow. 

This blog is brought to you by the crumbs of the Godiva Chocolate Hearts I'm eating to ease my own heart.