Hello new me...learning to accept the changes.
Honestly, I miss you. I miss that carefree attitude. I miss looking in that mirror and approving of all that I see. I miss the easy laughter that would escape my mouth because I was tickled by the littlest things in life. I miss the perfect makeup which has now been replaced by eyeliner and mascara, hopefully on both eyes on a good day. I miss my 5 inch heels, but Lord knows Joey would trip me and a slight shift in Charleigh’s weight would land us both on the ground. It’s a safety issue and for that I must remain low to the ground. I miss jumping in the car and going wherever I please whenever I please, but let’s be honest, excuse my language, but I miss the shit out of my babies when I am not with them. I miss sleeping in until noon or later, or just sleep in general. I never realized that I am capable of functioning off of 4 hours of sleep.
See that’s the thing. When you become a parent you learn new things about yourself. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve stopped and wonder who in the world am I now? I’m hiding vegetables in smoothies, doing the potty dance like I created that shit. I’m having serious and deep conversations about why the wolf wouldn’t just leave the three little pigs alone and eat some cereal. As I’m loving mommy that sings songs and recites nursery rhymes like a boss, I am secretly Kevin Costner from The Bodyguard, protecting my littles with my life. I don’t know how he was so calm in that movie, that job is beyond exhausting. For real!
I’ve learned that sitting on the couch and laughing with my handsome husband while watching Dave Chapelle on Netflix is so much better than leaving the house to go anywhere after 8:30 pm. He never notices when I glance over to see his gorgeous eyes and his amazing smile. And to think, he still loves me and tells me how beautiful I am when I have on my favorite gray sweatpants and my 10 year old robe that I can’t part with. He still tells me I’m beautiful when I’m not even sure if I brushed my teeth that day and my hair looks like Coolio’s . He will never know how much that means to a woman who chooses not to look at the mirror when she passes it because it’s just “not a good day”.
I’ve learned to find joy in even the littlest things in life. Today it was my two babies giggling so hard that they couldn’t control it. Nothing can compare to that sound, ever! Still the responsibility of keeping two little people alive is the hardest job I’ve ever had. When I complained about refolding shirts until 1 AM that were already folded at Express, I had no clue what the future held. When I broke the fry lamp during the lunch rush at McDonalds, I didn’t realize then that hungry children are way angrier than hungry adults. When I watched other people’s children and couldn’t understand how they could be so tired or be the first to drop their kids off after a holiday, I get it now. I TOTALLY get it and I apologize for secretly judging you.
It’s amazing how much life can change you in such a small amount of time. Within 4 years I have gotten married to the most loving man God could have ever chosen for me, had a ridiculously amazing little girl, bought a beautiful new house for my child(ren) to destroy, and had yet another baby girl with a smile that could possibly evoke world peace. There is no way that my mind can play catch up and be right on page with where I am in life right now. I always seem to be a day late or three steps behind. Quite frankly I’m winging this whole thing. Trial and error folks, trial and error. I judge my performance off of the smiles and laughter I hear on a daily basis. I rate my effectiveness on the manners Joey uses on her own will and accord. I judge my strength on the love and happiness I see in my family from day to day. So old me, know that you are not loss. You are a part of something so great that you may feel forgotten, but in no way are.
Signed,
The New Me
This post was brought to you by all the crumbs that now surround me like edible glitter. #momlife
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